The world will be beautiful again
Despite the odds
Despite the heartache
We are more resilient than we know.
Time Heals
Time heals all wounds
They say to the grieving
But they never mention the scars that remain when the wound heals
Grief fades
But it does not disappear
It fades into our bones
Etched into the fibers of our DNA
Forever carried with us
Gone to everyone but us.
Time heals
But scars remain
Home
There was nothing scary about falling in love with you,
That is how I knew.
The peace in my soul telling me I was home,
Not the butterflies I was told to expect,
But a calmness I gladly welcomed,
Like walking through the doors of your childhood home,
And feeling like you had never left.
I remember the first night I made you laugh,
Like your soul and mine were bound to the same heartbeat,
Rhythm and cadence,
The universe’s sigh of relief that we had finally met.
I have always been scared of love,
But there is nothing scary about loving you.
Pictures on My Wall
It has taken me four months to write this. Not for lack of trying, but out of a refusal to let the words come. They were still to painful to admit. The words are still painful, but they are finally ready to be said.
Every morning when I wake up, I am greeted by a wall of pictures. These pictures represent the best people and the best moments of my life. The pictures remind me that I have a full and beautiful life. But four months ago, that wall of pictures became a little less full when a dear friend of mine died in a tragic skiing accident. It breaks my heart to look at those pictures, but I can’t bear the thought of taking them down.
I am grasping at straws to hold on to what pieces I have left, because the thought that we will never make more memories together is unbearable.
Nothing can prepare you for the grief that death brings in its wake. The unanswered questions. The regret of words unsaid. The fleetingness of hope. The pain of loss.
It wasn’t just losing someone who was the very best of us. It wasn’t just losing a dear friend. It wasn’t just losing someone who had been so influential in my life during the most formational years. It was all three of those combined. That enormity of that loss crashes through you like a fucking freight train.
I think people come into our lives for a reason. A deeper reason than just our human need for relationship. People are sent in certain times of our lives to teach us and to inspire us. People are sent into our lives to show us there is someone in us worth believing in, and that we have a future that is worth fighting for.
Some people are meant to be in our lives for a long time, maybe even for our whole lives. I am blessed to have a large group of people who have been in my life for the long haul. There are always there in my corner pushing me forward.
There are others for that are only meant to be in our lives for just a moment. Those people should not be easily discounted. Sometimes they can be the most influential people we met. I can’t explain it, only that it seems that life only gives us a few moments together so we fill it like a lifetime.
The hard part is when that time expires. When we must say goodbye to someone who has taught us so much. When we must move on because life is moving on. When we must let someone out of our arms and they never return.
I have learned that no matter how hard a goodbyes can be, it is still better than never knowing that person.
To my dear friend Billy, saying goodbye to you has been the hardest part of my 27 years. It has been my immense pleasure to have spent so many of those 27 years as your friend. You were the first person who believed in me, and you were the first person who pushed me to chase my dreams. You were the wind in my sails. What a fierce and strong wind you were. I can say with full certainty that I would not have made it this far in life without your support. My life will forever be changed because you were in it.
More Than This
You were made for more.
You were made to struggle, to explore, to rebel, and to thrive. You were made to live – in every definition that one can live. You were made to laugh, and to go off on adventures. You were made to take chances, and yes even to fail sometimes. Stop trying so hard to survive that you miss the reason you are alive. This life holds so much for you if you only stopped to notice, if you only believed you could have it.
I want you to do great things, I want you to believe in great things, and I want you to fight for great things. I want you to see the world as a beautiful place, and to see yourself as a beautiful person. Life is too short to let you insecurities silence you. Find your voice, big or small. Find your voice, and never be afraid of it.
There will be tough days. Days that challenge you. Days that make you want to hide and cry. But on those days you will learn what you are truly made of. You will push back because you are resilient. You will not let the bad days ruin the good days.
There will also be good days. Days that you laugh so hard you cry. Days when you will make memories you cherish forever. Days when you are brave. Days when you are kind. Days when you fall madly in love. Those are the best days – the days that makes us glad to be alive. On those days never believe that you are not deserving of this much happiness. You are every bit deserving.
Life won’t be everything you have dreamt it to be, but if you let it, life will be more than you expected it to be. Stop molding your life to everyone else’s expectations and go chase your life.
Find your own shoes, and walk proudly in them. You will never truly succeed in life when you are walking in someone else’s shoes.
Photo Credit: Lori Rensink
What My Mother Taught Me
Be kind to plants, and even kinder to humans,
Both are more fragile than you think.
Tend to your garden, but also tend to your heart,
Weeds and unforgiveness are suffocating.
Lessons from my Mother’s garden.
You are never too old to be silly,
You are never too young to be wise,
You are never too small to matter, and
You are never too big to care for others.
Lessons from my Mother’s Kitchen.
We don’t need money to have fun,
We make our own fun.
No amount of money will ever matter.
What matters is those you surrounded yourself with.
Lessons from my Mother’s heart.
Happy birthday mama. Thank you for everything you taught me.
Find your Own Shoes
Find your own shoes.
You will never truly succeed in life when you are walking in someone else’s shoes.
Find your own shoes,
You won’t trip as often.
– Advice to my former self
Photo Credit: Lori Rensink
To See The World
A pocket full of dreams
A heart full of hope
Barefoot and expectant
With dreams meant to be chased
To see the world as a child
A pocket full of determination
A heart heavy with injustice
Worn and resilient
With dreams that become visions
To see the world as a woman
Photo Credit: Lori Rensink
Casas Por Cristo
Happy Friday everyone! Just a little update that I am planning to take a missions trip this July to the Dominican Republic. If you would like to learn more and/or support me go ahead and click here. Or if you would like you can read one of my very first blogs about a similar trip I took to Mexico here.
Hopefully coming soon will be a blog about why I want to go on this trip, but until then thanks for stopping by!
Photo Credit: Lori Rensink
The Strength in Her Bones
There is strength in your bones.
It is etched into the very fibers of your DNA.
It trickles through the blood which flows through your veins.
It is pushed through your body with every heart beat.
It is made stronger by every rift and tear.
There is strength in your bones my dear, don’t you dare doubt it.
There is strength in your hips and there is strength in your lips.
There is strength with every move that you make.
There is strength with every word that you speak.
So walk proudly and speak boldly.
Live passionately and fight fervently.
There is strength in your bones my dear, don’t you dare forget it.
Photo Credit: Lori Rensink
These Days 