A Nice Box of Dreams

I am the type of person who is guided by my intuition.  I trust it.  I listen to it.   I snuggle up close to it and let it make my decisions for me.  I see a fact and needs something more.  I need a sign – a feeling.  A need my gut to jump up and say, “Yes, that is it.  That one right there.  That is right.”

I have been bouncing back and forth on law school for so many months now that even I find it annoying.  I am going to go, I am not going to go, I am going to throw my arms up in the air and admit I have no idea what I want.  My intuition hasn’t been that helpful on this one.  I have been too scared to really listen what my intuition was telling me.

Dreams are elusive.  By that I mean that our dreams are hard to define.  It is hard to take your dream and put it in a nice little box.  That would make things easier wouldn’t it?  Just open your nice little box and look through your dreams like old photographs.

Instead we are left chasing the elusive. We chase the feeling that there is something better out there, in we could only touch it. The driving whisper that tells us we can be more tomorrow if we just have the courage to try. If we could only define it.  If we could only put it in a nice little box.

Some days I want to buy horses and an apple orchard, other days I want to storm congress.  Most days I am left feeling like I have no idea what I want.

So I tried a different approach.  I didn’t ask myself if I wanted to go to law school.  I asked myself if I would feel like I gave up my dream if I didn’t go to school. In 10 or 20 years when I looked back on my life, would I regret never going to law school?

My answer shocked me.  I didn’t think that I might regret it, or that there was maybe a chance I would regret it.  My intuition was screaming at me that I would absolutely regret it.  I think it has been screaming at me for a while now, I just didn’t have the courage to listen.  The signs have been there for a while, I just have been fighting them because I am stubborn.

It will not always be easy, in fact I expect it will be very hard.  It will not always be everything I dreamed, in fact it will rarely be close.  But I have been telling people I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 13.  I at least owe it to myself to give it my best shot, come hell or high water.

Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt.

The bravery we had when we took that first step, the grace we had the first time we failed, and the guts we had to pick ourselves back up and try again. There is so much to be lived in the messiness of life, because those are the moments that define who we are. That is why it is important to enjoy the moments that take our breath away; the moments that make our heart beat a little faster.

Can you feel it? The beating of your heart, the thrumming of your veins? Can feel the way your heart aches after it has been broken? What about the fear you feel when you finally find something worth fighting for?

Embrace that life and this moment are incredible gifts, no matter what you may be going through. Embrace that this moment is shaping the rest of your life.

Embrace that you will fail and that life won’t be what you expected it to, but don’t let that stop you from trying.

Embrace the uncertainty, embrace the fear, and embrace the restless stirring of your heart that pulls you to your feet to chase your dreams. Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.  -Oriah Mountain Dreame

Glitter

Photo Credit: Christina Re

**** Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog.  Please feel free to leave you comment in the comment section.  Tell me about your dreams, I would love to hear them!

Favorite Song Fridays – Chasing the Sun by Sara Bareilles

Chasing the Sun by Sara Bareilles

It’s a really old city
Stuck between the dead and the living
So I thought to myself, sitting on a graveyard shelf
As the echo of heartbeats, from the ground below my feet
Filled a cemetery in the center of Queens

I started running the maze of
The names and the dates, some older than others
The skyscrapers, little tombstone brothers
With Manhattan behind her, three million stunning reminders
Built a cemetery in the center of Queens

You said, remember that life is
Not meant to be wasted
We can always be chasing the sun!
So fill up your lungs and just run
But always be chasing the sun!

So how do you do it,
With just words and just music, capture the feeling
That my earth is somebody’s ceiling,
Can I deliver in sound, the weight of the ground
Of a cemetery in the center of Queens

There’s a history through her
Sent to us as a gift from the future, to show us the proof
More than that, it’s to dare us to move
And to open our eyes and to learn from the sky
From a cemetery in the center of Queens

You said, remember that life is
Not meant to be wasted
We can always be chasing the sun!
So fill up your lungs and just run
But always be chasing the sun!

All we can do is try
And live like we’re still alive

It’s a really old city
Stuck between the dead and the living
So I thought to myself, sitting on a graveyard shelf
And the gift of my heartbeat sounds like a symphony
Played by a cemetery in the center of Queens

You said, remember that life is
Not meant to be wasted
We can always be chasing the sun!
So fill up your lungs and just run
But always be chasing the sun!

All we can do is try
And live like we’re still alive

All we can do is try
And live like we’re still alive

NYC PC Elliot Erwitt

Photo Credit: Elliot Erwitt

Dear Heart, the World Needs Your Face

I am not a morning person.  At all.  I am the person who plans 20 minutes of hitting snooze into my morning. This is a typical morning of waking up looks like in life of Lori Rensink.

*alarm goes off*

Groans

*hits snooze*

*hits snooze*

I really need to get up

*hits snooze*

Lori Marie Rensink get yourself out of bed right now

Noooooooo

*Curls into blankets as a last chance desperate hope that I don’t have to get out of bed yet*

There is coffee . . . warm delicious coffee

Ugh fine

I then proceed zombie like to get ready and drive myself to work, clutching dearly to my coffee like a lifeline.  Just when I start wishing I could go crawl back in bed I reach downtown, and it is just so achingly beautiful.

IMG_3483

The sun is rising filling the world with color and light.  The birds are chirping busily as they have been awake for hours already.  The bell tower chimes and it is the moment when that makes me ready for another day.  In that moment the world awakens and I am very glad that I got out of bed.  Let’s be real though, I will still take my daily nap in the elevator on the way up to my office.  I am not narcissistic thinking the world needs me to go on.  I will go about my day making very little impact on the world around.  At least that is how it seems.

I go about my day making no difference at all but in slow subtle ways making all of the difference in the world.

Again not trying to be narcissistic, because I don’t think I am alone in feeling this way.  We all wake up with great ambitions to change the world and impact the lives of everyone we encounter.  Only to end up tired and irritable, feeling like we did not make much of a difference at all.  But do not count yourself so small dear heart.  You going about your life being you has impacted this world more than you will ever realize.

The world needs your face.

The world needs you.

Reflect for one moment on all of the wonderful people who have influence your life in some way.  Everyone from the teacher who was the first one to believe in you, to the barista who had a horrible week but still gave you the smile that made your day.  You have had a significant number of people who have influenced your life.  They will probably never know the depth of their influence on your life.  In turn, you will probably never know the depth of influence your life had on those around you.  But that does not mean it does not exist. 

Do not think for one moment that your life doesn’t matter, or that you will never make an impact on this world.  Let me tell you a secret: your life has already mattered. You have already made an impact.

Do not count yourself so small dear heart.

You are magnificent, beautifully created in the hands of the one who knows even the deepest and dustiest corners of your soul.  And you know the best part?  Despite the fact that you snapped at that barista today for getting your drink wrong, despite the fact that you feel completely over whelmed and self adsorbed, and despite the fact that you do not think yourself capable of even having the smallest it of influence.  He still smiles every morning when you wake up.  Because you are magnificent, and He sees the tiny ways that you make this world a better place, every day.

Do not count yourself so small dear heart, the world needs you.