New Beginnings and Changing Seasons

Spring is coming.  With it it brought the promise of new beginnings.  The thrum of the frozen ground as beats into new life.  A chance to start fresh.  To slough off old disappointments and breathe in the hope of something better.

I know you never thought you would make it here, but you did.  Here you are.  You survived the harsh winter, the broken hearts, and the nights you cried yourself to sleep.  You had to take time to heal and that is okay because you did heal.  You picked yourself up with a resilience that you should be proud of. It takes more than a broken heart to break your spirit.

Its been a year now.  You try to forgot the way the snowflakes stuck to his eyelashes or the way he smiled at you as you ran away from the rest of the world.  You try to forget, but you also try to remember.  The memories don’t sting as much.  In fact they have a beautiful element to them, because even though it came to a bitter end, in those moments you felt hopeful and in love.  You need to hold on to that feeling.

Spring is coming.

A breathe of fresh air after a long desolate winter. Spring is coming and bringing the promise of something new, something good and full of hope.  And you can’t help but hope that maybe things will be different this time around.

Spring is here, and so are you.  You with your gentle heart and your old soul.  So strange how life keeps moving and seasons keep changing without barely a notice.  How interesting that you should notice now.

Summer is coming.

The promise of freedom and adventure, as new beginnings turn into late night stories.  The world is alive under your toes and at the tips of your fingers, and you can’t help but to feel alive as well.  You can’t help but feel like nothing can hold you back.

Summer is here and you are sitting on a fence watching the sun set over the rolling country hills.  Your skin had that feeling it gets when it has been immersed in sun and water all day.   You are sitting there in silence, watching the sun go down and the stars come out.  The misquotes had come out hungry and angry, sticking to the tears that were gliding down your face.

Sticky summer tears that came with no explanation.

But You knew.  You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew.  Healing is a funny thing.  It never happens as quickly or completely as you think it should.  You think you are fine, but then pain sticks its thorny hands back into your heart and rips open the scabs.  So you cry about strangers who become friends only to become strangers once more.  And just sit on a fence alone with the misquotes and your thoughts.

It can be easy to play the victim.  To stay here and cry.  To get angry and wonder why life can be so cruel.  It can be easy to sit here and feel sorry for yourself, all while missing everything that is right in front of you.  But you won’t let yourself give up that easily.  So you fight back, and you refuse to play the victim.

It’s okay to stop running.  In fact it is time.

Hold your breathe and jump in feet first.  Sink or swim – the nervous anticipation as you wait to see which one it will be.  Before long you know that cold desolate winter will be here once again.

Feet florida

Photo Credit: Lori Rensink

Advertisements

Fading Summer and Falling Leaves

I have been suffering from temporary writers block these last couple of weeks.  I have tried multiple times to write new pieces but have sputtered and died after about 150 words.  I have had a lot of ideas of topics I want to write about, but then I sit fingers ready at the keyboard and nothing.

All of my creative juices have been thrown into trying to write my personal statement for my law school application.  I foolishly thought this would be the easiest part of my application.   I mean I have a blog, writing prose about my life experiences is kind of what I do.  I had mentally checked this off my to do list before I even started.  Foolish and naive I was.  I am learning there are no easy parts to apply to law school.  I made a meme to reiterate my point . . .

meme law schoolIf I am going to do this, I am going to do it right.  Which means months of studying for the lsats (I know disgusting).  It means hours spent writing and rewriting my personal statement.  It means researching law schools so I know what my options are. It means asking for help when I have no idea what I am doing.

I keep thinking that I have plenty of time, it is only August September October (tomorrow?!?). I am still in shock about August being over that I can barely comprehend how September started and ended without my notice.  I was told that life moves faster as you get older, I just never thought it would be this fast.

Which is why now I must begin the painful process of saying goodbye to another summer.

Summer was fantastic, but it was a blur.  I traveled, I laughed, I cried, and I watched my brother get married.  Some days I was so busy going places that I forgot what it was like to be home.  Summer flew by way too fast, and suddenly before I knew it, fall was creeping in.  The crispness in the air, the crispness of leaves that have just fallen to the ground.

I absolutely adore fall.  I use to never like fall, because it stood for the end of summer freedom.  It reminds me that dreadful winter is just around the corner.  Fall was just that season that brought the end of summer and the beginning of winter (and school). Fall meant letting going of the promise for adventure that summer holds, and buckling down for the long, never-ending, barren cold of winters in South Dakota.  Fall is a last chance to enjoy being outside before the snow and cold traps us in for months.

However now that fall is no longer coupled with the dread of going back to school, I can actually enjoy it.  Oh I am still sad to see summer go, and I still am dreading winter, but fall is absolutely the most gorgeous time of the year.

I love wrapping the chilly air out with scarfs and boots.

I love the taste of an apple that has spent all summer soaking up the sun.

I absolutely love pumpkin everything.

I love Halloween and Thanksgiving.

But most importantly I love the colors that get paint-brushed across the trees.

Fall 4 PC Terri Gostola

Photo Credit: Terri Gostola

I love listening to this song in the fall. It gives me nostalgia for another summer that I must let go of.  It is also a beautiful song if you want to listen to it.

Photo Credit: Terri Gostola

 Summer Again by The Afters:

I’m watching the green give into gold
As summer becomes October’s cold
Gravity begs
For one final kiss
She drops it to him, as she gives in

Traces of light, linger around
As laces of white fall to the ground
The softest of sounds for the heaviest things
And the pain that it brings

As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when

Don’t remember the day, she started to fade
The ground felt a chill as she gave it away
A whisper – a sigh, for the time that she passed
But this winter won’t last

As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Oh to be with summer again

The days were warm and we wore them like skin
Now I feel the effects of October again

As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Oh to be with summer again

I’m watching the green give in to gold
As summer becomes Octobers cold

So to help myself accept that summer is over and to make sure I take time to enjoy fall, I decided to make a fall bucket list.

My Fall Bucket List 2015:

  1. Go to a corn maze
  2. Go to a haunted house
  3. Go to a pumpkin patch
  4. Carve a pumpkin
  5. Go to an apple orchard
  6. Make fall goodies
  7. Host a friends thanksgiving
  8. Run on my favorite trails at least once a week
  9. Watch a scary movie
  10. Decorate for Halloween
  11. Make a Halloween Costume
  12. Give out candy to trick-or-treaters
  13. Make homemade apple cider
  14. Tailgate a football game
  15. Spend time outside doing nothing but enjoying fall

Fall PC Chris Asche

Photo Credit: Chris Asche

**** I would love to hear your thoughts, please leave your comments in the section below.  What items do you have on your fall bucket list?  Are you just as sad as I am to see summer go? Also any advice on banishing writers block would be appreciated.