No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

“On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is your pain?”

“I mean for neck pain it is probably like a 7, but for normal pain pain it is like a 4.”

“Describe your pain for me.”

“Umm its like here and like uhh a dull tight ache.”

“Is it worse on one side.”

“Umm . . . *tilts head side to side* I’m not sure.”

“Are there any activities that make it worse?”

“Uhh . . . sitting?”

“How often do you feel pain?”

Oh for crying out loud “I don’t know.”

I recently have started seeing a chiropractor because my neck would always be sore which would cause me to have horrible headaches on a pretty regular basis.  I am not sure what caused it.  Maybe it was sitting at a desk for eight hours every day, maybe it was clinch sparring in Muay Thai, maybe it is because I stubbornly refuse to sleep on my back, or maybe it is just because when I get stressed I put all of that tension in my neck.  The answer is probably d) all of the above.  I didn’t know and honestly I didn’t really care.  All I knew is that I hurt all the time and I wanted it to stop.

Every time before I saw my chiropractor I would have to sit through this long list of ridiculous questions, think about my pain, and try to describe it to a stranger.  But I knew that the more detail I could give them, the better they would be able to help me.  So I endured it, and I thought about my pain. And when you think about pain for long enough you realize that the only purpose that pain serves is to let us know something is wrong.  Pain is our body’s way of letting us know, “Hey, you should probably pay attention to this.”

Continue reading

The Roads We Walk

“But you have got to remind yourself over and over again that there are no destinations in life.  Only roads.”  – Christin Mihai

Raod fork

I am constantly reminded of how life goes exactly the opposite way of how I planned it.  Life is fickle that way.  Sometimes I feel like Matt Hires sings this song just for me . . .

Darling, nothing ever goes exactly how you planned it
I guess I’ve been here long enough to see
That time can be your dearest friend
Or time can be a bandit
When tomorrow changes into history

And oh my my, honey everybody dies
But you got, you got to see
That you can live your life walking in a straight line
But it’s more than just A to B

Maybe it’ll find you lying peaceful under blankets
Or bleeding at the bottom of the stairs
Oh but it’s not when or how you go
It’s life and what you make it
It’s the traveling, not the road that gets you there

-Matt Hires, A to B; see full lyrics here

I am finding that even when life doesn’t go how I planned it, it goes exactly as it was meant to. Unfortunately that is something I can only understand in hindsight.  At the time I am simply frustrated.  Which makes me wonder if that is why we so often we prefer to live in memories of the past, because that is the only part of our life that can make sense of.

When we are young it can be easy to forget how long life is.  To us it seems short and slippery.  Like we have to hold onto every second for dear life lest it slip right through our fingers and be gone forever.  Time is fickle, and life never works like it should.  We become discouraged, or we believe that maybe we were foolish to try.  But we pray for rain even though we want sunshine, and we must allow ourselves to take steps backwards even though we want to take steps forward.

Continue reading