Half Written Songs

Life is a strange thing. One day you are young with dreams of someday and then before you know it, someday is today, and then today is yesterday, and your dreams become just that, dreams. In one day so much can change, yet it feels like nothing is different. One day we are born and learn to take our first steps, then soon we are graduation high school and saying goodbye to the only life we have known to start an adventure all our own. We go to college and have the best and craziest four years of our lives.

We laugh and we cry, we struggle and we thrive.

Then before we know it we find ourselves facing another graduation.  We are given a piece of paper as if that can sum up all that we learned about the world and ourselves over the last four years.We are pushed into society and forgotten about as we try to make sense of a life that is void of the formal education system we have known for most our life.

And we wait.

We wait to find our dreams and we wait for our dreams to come true. We wait to find that perfect job that will make the last fours years of studying all night long and eating ramen worth it.

Day after day passes of nothing really changing but somehow it all adds up to a lifetime of changes. Time is a stranger in that way. We look back at our lives and see all the changes that brought us to where we are today. Sometimes those memories seem like yesterday, and sometimes they seem like they belong to someone else’ life like we are reading them from a book or watching them on a screen. And how on earth are we suppose to feel like we belong in the present when there are so many memories lost in the past and so many questions about the future?

Suddenly we feel lost because we are faced with the immensity of life. That overwhelming feeling of having all the time in the world and yet not a second to spare.

A good friend once told me, “Our dreams are made up of half written songs.” She was talking about her own dream to be a musician someday, but instead she just had a bunch of unfinished songs. She was also talking about every dream that has been held in the heart of someone but never seen fulfilled in the life they lived.

When we are faced with the immensity of life, it can be easy to feel like our dreams will never come true. And I think it is unrealistic to expect our dreams to come true the second we decide to chase them. I also think it is unrealistic to think that life is about our dreams coming true.

Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt.

The bravery we had when we took that first step, the grace we had the first time we failed, and the guts we had to pick ourselves back up and try again. There is so much to be lived in the messiness of life, because those are the moments that define who we are.That is why it is important to enjoy the moments that take our breath away; the moments that make our heart beat a little faster.

Before long that moment will be added to a long list of memories that will one day no longer feel like they belong to you. But if we can hold on to that moment for one second more, we can stop time and know how it feels to be fully alive. Can you feel it? The beating of your heart, the thrumming of your veins? Can feel the way your heart aches after it has been broken? What about the fear you feel when you finally find something worth fighting for?

Embrace that life and this moment are incredible gifts, no matter what you may be going through. Embrace that this moment is shaping the rest of your life. Embrace that you will fail and that life won’t be what you expected it to, but don’t let that stop you from trying.

Embrace it.

Embrace the uncertainty, embrace the fear, and embrace the restless stirring of your heart that pulls you to your feet to chase your dreams. Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt.

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What to Expect When You’re Expecting . . . to Graduate

Here is to everyone who is about to graduate college only to realize that they will have no idea what to do with their lives.  When you start your senior year, you will realize that you have no idea what you want to do with your life, and when you finish your senior year you will realize that you still have no idea what you want to do with your life.  You kept telling yourself that everything will fall into place, but then you are a month away from graduating and nothing has fallen into place yet.  You will then wonder what you spent the last nine months doing besides figuring out your life.  Then you remember all the sleepless nights packed with homework after a full day of class and just getting off another 8-hour shift. And you will wonder how you are suppose to figure out your life when you can’t even get one minute to think about it.   To make matters worse, you get bombarded with the never ending parade of well meaning questions, in which you are suppose to explain your non-existent and ever change plan.  You try to sputter out a couple of ideas that you don’t really plan on doing but sound good so that it gives the illusion that you will be doing something with the college degree you spent 4 years and thousands of dollars trying to get.  Apparently taking a few months off so that you can enjoy being dumb and young and have time to figure out what you want in life and regain your mental sanity from not sleeping the last four years, is not a viable option.  Suddenly you find yourself stuck in an emotionally turmoil because on one hand you are ready to be done with school but you are not ready to be done with school.  Some days you will feel nostalgic about leaving all of the people you have meet and all of the good memories you have had with them.  Other days you will be so over this place that you can’t wait to leave.  Some days you will feel motivated to find an actual career to start.  Other days you will say screw it, I am just going to be gypsy and live in the wild where I never have to make any decisions.  Every day you will hate going to class because you don’t learn anything, until you realize that you are graduating and you HAVEN”T LEARNED ANYTHING.

The thing is everyone will tell you different things. “You need to find a career right after you graduate or your degree will become useless.”  “Don’t settle for any job, wait for THE right job.”  “Maybe you should just take a few months off to do what you want to do.”  “Maybe you should go to grad school while you are still use to being in school.”  “Maybe you should just run away to Africa and start a life with the tigers so you never have to decide what to do with your life.”  Oh wait, that last one was me.  But my point is that everyone will tell you what you should do, but not everyone will agree.  For the last 20 year you have lived your life by someone telling you what you should do.  But what no one tells you is that when you graduate, only you can tell yourself what you will do when you graduate.  There is no magic formula to follow on when you should start your job and what kind of job you should start.  There is just you.  That is what is most terrifying, because only you can decide and you are the one person who has no idea what you want. What is it that you really want?  And I mean really want, deep in your core.  If you can figure that out, I promise the rest will fall into place.

I feel like an idiot because I keep changing my mind.  But the truth is I just haven’t found my place yet.  I guess I just keep hoping that one day I will find something and it will stick.  I don’t want to settle, I want to live an extraordinary life.  So I keep hoping that maybe one day I will wake up, look in the mirror, and feel in my heart that this is exactly where I am suppose to be.  Even if it is messy and imperfect, I want to be in that place where I know I have followed my crazy idea of what my life should be.  I want to do things that other did believe I could do, thing that maybe I didn’t even believe I could do.  If you are lucky like me you will have a professor who believes in your so much that they tell you to shoot for the stars because they believe you might actually make it there.  And they will tell you to plan your life like there are no obstacles in your way.  I think everyone needs to be told that.  Because in reality the only person who has the power to limit what you can do with your life is you.  I know that sounds like a naïve college student, but trust me.  Everyone who has ever been famous enough to leave a lasting impression on the world did so because they did not allow anyone else to place a limit on what they could do.  My old friend Steve says this so much better than me:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.  Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently…they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.  Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. “  – Steve Jobs