I have done it. I sent in my law school applications. I thought I would feel a huge sigh of relief at having it done. I mean I spent months working on getting everything ready. Writing, revising, starting from scratch and writing more. I was finally done with all of it, so the stress should be done too. It wasn’t. It seemed to have doubled over night. Now all of the hard decisions I am not ready to make are quickly approaching their deadline. I need to have answers that I cannot find.
It is starting to get real, and that is terrifying. It is no longer a far off thing I hope to do. It is right up close knocking at my door, and I am hiding under the table pretending not to be home. You may think that is a metaphor, but no I have actually hide under my table when I didn’t want to answer the door. I can be a hider when I don’t want to deal with things. People or decisions. I burrow my head in the ground and pretend that the world isn’t still moving above me. I will fly to Africa and rock climb without a second thought, but put me in a confrontation or in charge or making a decision and I am done for.
If you have been reading my blog for any time at all, you will have noticed how adamant I can be about chasing dreams – pulling the life we dream of into our reality. Now it is time for me to practice what I preach. I know I cannot get where I want to be in life my staying here comfortable. I know I need to make the hard decision, take a leap of faith, and not look back.
That isn’t to say that it won’t be hard. I have gotten very comfortable here. I like my job, I like my house, I like my roommates, I like my city, I like being close to my family, and I like my friends. I finally feel peace about where I am in life, and now I am shaking it all up. That is hard. It is hard to walk away from a good thing in hopes of finding a great thing.
Living a full life doesn’t happen by staying where we are comfortable. It happens when we realize that we want more, that we can do more, and we go chase it. Dreams are wonderful on paper. They are wonderful as those thoughts you have right before you drift into sleep. They are wonderful things that we tell people we hope to do someday. Living dreams is hard and terrifying and uncertain. It requires stepping out blind and hoping you don’t get hit by a bus. What is even more terrifying is being too afraid to ever take a chance on yourself.
Maybe sometimes it’s riskier not to take a risk. Sometimes all you’re guaranteeing is that things will stay the same.” – Danny Wallace
Life moves fast. The older I get the more I am learning this to be true. Life moves fast whether or not we play it safe. One day my life will be over whether or not I chased my dreams. To me, that is even more terrifying than stepping out of my comfort zone. Life doesn’t wait for us to silence our fears – it just keeps moving.
Here is to the uncertainty, the unknown, the unsafe – where ever it may take you.