It is no secret that the people we love the most have the biggest ability to hurt us., because they should have known better. We understand that the world is not fair. We expect strangers to let us down or to be rude to us. We don’t expect that from those we love. Which is why it hurts so much when they do.
People are complicated. At least I know I am. We have layers of the battle scars love has left us. We do irrational things when we feel vulnerable. We become sensitive to actions and words that were never intended to hurt us. But they do, and we are left just as confused by it as the person who hurt us.
We barely understand ourselves sometimes, and yet we expect those we love to understand us.
Relationships are complicated. It is just as complicated no matter if it is a relationship with a family member, best friend, or a significant other. Any relationship worth having takes work. It takes constant communication. Because we have all been hurt and we all have the ability to unintentionally open up an old scar.
It will happen. It does not matter how much someone loves you, people are complicated and we hurt each other even when we don’t mean to. When this happens we have two ways we can react, love or hate. We can get angry, we can hate them, and we can try to hurt them back. Or we can choose love, which is immensely harder to do.
Hate is me focused. When we hate, it becomes all about what we need, how we were hurt, how we didn’t get what we wanted. If we focus on only us, we think others are out to get us. We get angry when people don’t treat us how we think we deserve to be treated. We become frustrated when life doesn’t seem to give us what everyone else is getting. We get so stuck looking at our own two feet that we cannot see everything else that is happening around us.
Hate pushes other’s away, love pulls them closer.
Love is seeing past our own reflection into someone else’s reality.
Love requires us to look at the situation from the other person’s point of view. It is understanding that they never meant to do us wrong. In fact sometimes we may realize that we were the one being selfish.
Love is realizing that a relationship isn’t all about us. When we love someone that means we have to put them before us sometimes. We have to forgive them. We have to fight for them. We have to trust that when they say they love us they mean it, even if they don’t always show it.
For most of my life, when people hurt me I push them away. I don’t fight for the relationship, I just run away from it. It is hard for me to trust people – to be vulnerable with them. It is only recently that I have started to respond in love. To forgive someone when they have hurt me and to know that sometimes I react irrationally. It is a lot harder, and I do mean A LOT harder. But is also worth it. Because when we work to restore relationships they always bounce back stronger.
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