All my Single Ladies

It is a rough time of year to be single.  Just when you think you made it through the holidays.  You know the whole not having anyone to bring home on Christmas, or kiss on New Years Eve, plus eating chocolate alone on Valentines day fiasco.  Just when you think you survived all of that, you are hit square in the forehead with wedding season.  Don’t get me wrong, I love wedding season.  I love watching my friends and family fall in love with their soulmates.  But every wedding is just another reminder that mine should be right around the corner.  Only its not.  Only I am no where near even being in a serious dating relationship no less a marriage.

The realization that I am no where close to marriage makes me wonder if I didn’t miss a step in life.   I know that in the grand scheme of things I am still very young, but as the days go on I feel like the reality of marriage becomes more unattainable not less.  While I was happily enjoying my freedom and exploring my youth, should I have been more focused on falling in love?  But that doesn’t seem right either because I wouldn’t trade those years for anything, even a wedding dress.  Those were my most formable and memorable years.  While everyone else was busy falling in love, I was busy discovering the world and how I fit into it.  But now at the still young age of 23, I feel like I missed this window of opportunity that I didn’t even know existed.

I have heard more well meaning advice then I ever thought I would need.  If you are still single, let me save you the trouble from following this advice:

“It will happen when you least expect it, when you stop looking for it.”  

I stopped expecting it to happen along time ago and guess what, I was right.  But really what does this even mean?  Here I am waiting, hoping my future spouse comes along, but I don’t dare look for him because then he won’t find me.  Yeah okay, I will get right on that.

“Just focus on yourself and the right guy will come along.”

Hello what do you think I have been doing for the last 23 years? I have long made the decision that I wasn’t going to put my life on hold until my future husband showed up.  I was going to pick dreams and I was going to chase them.  I am glad I did, but the more I defined my own dreams, the harder it was imagining how someone else could fit into them.

“You will just know when you know.” 

While I am sure this is probably true, this is also the least helpful thing you can tell someone.

“You need to first learn to depend on yourself before you can need anyone else.”

While I am sure this is good advice for some people, but for me if I become anymore independent I am sure to die alone.  My brother once joked, “how are you suppose to find a guy if you keep fixing everything yourself?”  Well I didn’t see anyone volunteer to help me and I simply do not have the time to sit and wait for someone to maybe show up.  Also I don’t play the damsel in distress very well.  I am more of the heroine type.  If anything I need to learn how to trust others enough to ask for their help.

“You are just not ready yet, you need to work more on yourself.”

I mean really, this is probably the worst one because it implies that you are not yet good enough.  The sad part is that the insecure me actually believed this at one point.  But it did allow me to grow into someone who if I can say so, turned out to be pretty awesome.  However I am still single so, I think we can rule this one out as well.

Saying

This picture makes me smile, because it reminds me so much of something me and my best friend would say to each other (she of course the brunette and I of course the blonde).  After reading through all of this, it can be easy to see me as a bitter single cat lady.  I reallly, really am not bitter. Frustrated maybe.  Sick of being talked to like there is something wrong with me, defiantly.  But I refuse to walk down the road of believing that there is something wrong with me.  Because I want to believe that the right guy will fall for me just the way I am, even if that me happens to be too stubbornly independent and sassy.  I am not bitter just a hopeless romantic.

The truth is I view marriage very seriously.  Dare I more seriously then some people who are currently married.  Because I view marriage as the biggest thing that will ever happen in my life.  And when I say until death do us part, I will mean it.  Which is why I think it is okay that I am picky.  Because my future husband isn’t some job I can just change if I decide I don’t like it, and my wedding is so much more than some fairy tale day.

It has been a couple years since I have officially had a boyfriend.  The irony is that almost every person I have “dated” after that has ended with the statement, “You are really amazing, like the  type of girl I want to marry someday, I just don’t want that right now.”  Okay thanks, glad we cleared it up that I am at least marriage material.

Anyways back to my ex-boyfriend.  I only kind of liked him at the time we started dating.  But he really liked me and asked me every day to be his girlfriend.  At that point in my life I was still not very good at saying no, so finally I said sure.  He was a good boyfriend he really was, but not a month later and I realized I didn’t want to be his girlfriend.

I stuck it out for a bit longer, because I felt obligated to at least give it a chance.  When I did break up with him I didn’t regret it, but I also didn’t regret dating him.  It taught me a very important lesson.  Because after that I promised myself that I would never marry someone just because they asked.  I promised myself the freedom to be picky and the freedom to be sure.   So I am sure the reason that I am still single is because I am far too picky.  But I happen to think that is a very good thing, at least for me.

There is a saying that goes, “Someone you haven’t met yet is wondering what it would be like to know someone like you.”  It is a nice thought, but it implies that my future husband is an idiot.  I am standing right here.  If he wanted to know me so bad why doesn’t he just start with a simple hello?  It is not like I am hiding from him under a rock.

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